One Two, Checked

One of my favourite things to do is talk about mental health. It’s a sore subject not just in the Malaysian community, but in all parts of the world. In some culture, it’s a taboo to talk about it and some even banish their family members who suffer from a mental illness.

Talking about it is the first step in getting better. Our conversations about it will help tear down the walls around the stigma. I talk about my struggles with schizophrenia every day. With my mom, girlfriend, friends and even my cats. They may not understand my pain, but they accept it. That is the first step into building a progressive and healthy relationship.

It’s super hard, believe me. I get mad every time someone says “it’ll be okay”.

Oh yeah? Well, it’s been seven fucking years man!

But now, I kinda think it’s true. Getting better doesn’t really mean it’ll go away, no, I’m not going to sugar coat it. Getting better means you’ll get used to it. You’ll live with it as if it’s a part of you, like an organ. You’ll live with it but that doesn’t mean you won’t get through it.

Depression is a bastard. It tears you down and most days you just feel like you want to wrap your head in a plastic bag and exhale your last breath.

But I’m going to tell you this, you’ll make it.

You’ll live. It’s time for us to befriend our demons, tell them about our fears and doubts, our anger and frustration. Hopefully, in the process, we’ll accept ourselves better.

And that’s the second part of recovery. Accepting your demons.

I am in the second phase. I’m slowly accepting my demons. I walk in parks with them, eat nasi lemak with them, smoke cigarettes with them. It’s been therapeutic. It’s been productive and I’m slowly learning to love myself, flaws and all.

I’ll tell you more when I get to phase three. Till then, talk about it and then accept it. Find someone to hold on to, a friend, a lover. You’ll get by.

The Force will be with you, always.

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