“You need to date a man,” was said to me quite often among my girlfriends.
Yet I hadn’t met one beyond a television screen in my 22 years of existence. So, I didn’t know what characteristics to look out for. Even though I have my “entire life ahead of me” and there are “plenty of fishes in the sea”, it honestly felt like I was destined to swim in a damn aquarium.
My definition of a man is:
noun (pl. men)
1. someone who embraced the idea that women don’t have to be subservient.
- he doesn’t feel disrespected by the fact that women enjoy making their own money and that they take pride in being independent.
- even though I am a boss ass bitch 90% of the time, there will be days (curse you, PMS…but I love you, don’t leave me #IKeepBleedingKeepKeepBleedingLove.) When I feel less of that percentage, I would like to be pampered the way David Beckham treats Victoria Beckham. Rather than being told to “get over it” or that I’m using PMS as an “excuse”.
- is in-tune with world news and pop culture. Doesn’t regard the latter as “fluffy” or “unimportant”.
- he wants to do more with his life than settle down to have a family — having a partner and kids are great but the bank account best be able to support such life choices. So, ain’t no babies popping out of this vagina until we can treat ourselves with things without looking at the price tag, jafeels me?
I told myself to get real.
Maybe I was asking for a lot because how many men would want the same things as I do? Correction: Even though there may be a ton of men that embody these traits I fantasise about, how many of them am I actually going to meet?
Should I lower my expectations? No.
Just as I was to unplug the wire that connected my brain to my heart after consistently being attracted to boys who were damaging to my self-esteem, I met Stephen.
I still remember the day we met.
It was a relatively windy night. I was at a mamak with a few friends, where one of them invited him to join us since he had played a few rounds of squash (I know, why would anyone do this exercise thing to themselves?) at a court nearby. My friends that had met him previously were fawning over the way he carries himself, his good looks; my friends are known to exaggerate (they are my friends, after all) but I was excited to meet this person.
When he walked in, all that registered in my mind was how he looked like what Henry Grubstick would have looked like if he was Asian and had a top knot. He greeted everyone at the table, then came over to me and said, “Hello, you must be Rathika,”
I was happy to have been introduced to someone who shared the same interests as I did but more importantly, I was thrilled that his core values aligned with mine. It’s not very often that I meet a person who is as passionate about his job and family as I am.
My dating life is as smooth as white water rafting, so, I knew there had to be a catch with this guy — of course, there was — he was in a relationship.
Emotionally unavailable men are also the ones I’m most attracted to — I fault my ‘daddy issues’ for this one. Even so, I was delighted to have met him that night.
I was caught up with jumping across a few hurdles set up by Life that I began neglecting my social life. It was one of those instances whereby any free time I had meant I’d be spending it in bed or indulging my cravings for KFC.
My phone had been on the ‘Do Not Disturb’ function every weekend. On Monday, I turned it and found I had received a text from an unknown number.
Karat Romance #7 will be up sometime next month if you ask really nicely. Follow the writer on Instagram at @lxxvi__.