Continuation of Karat Romance #7.
I have a fear of talking about anything that makes me happy as I could be jinxing it from happening or staying longer than it should be, you know? It’s unhealthy because happiness should be shared, right?
But I’m scared.
What happens if you talk about future plans or life events so often, then it ends up not happening? Sorry for bombarding you with questions so early on in this story, but I felt like we needed to address my thoughts before going any further.
I’m sure all of us have scrolled through several quotes on Tumblr or Instagram, that go along the lines of missed opportunities being caused by a person being scared to take the chance.
Well, that’s me.
The thought of doing something beyond what I was comfortable with was exhilarating, but the idea of what would happen if it wasn’t successful crippled me.
“What if I don’t get the job?”, “What if I sent in the wrong answer?”, “What if he leaves?”
I had a few events to attend the week after Stephen and I met in Bangsar. So, I mentioned that the venue was close to his office.
“Please text me nearer to the date, we can have lunch together,”
Internally, I told myself, “he’s being nice, I don’t think he really wants to have lunch with me, leave it as it is,”
I spoke to my best friend from high school to update her of what was new in the department that I have mixed feelings for — relationships.
Her response to me mentioning not texting him was, to put it lightly, particularly colourful. It went along the lines of “don’t be stupid, what the fuck are you thinking, just do it!”
I drafted the text but my anxieties kicked in before I could hit send.
“Should I do it?”
“What if he doesn’t respond?”
“What if he’s busy?”
“What if he didn’t mean it?”
There’s a reason some people become closer to you more than others; they are aware of your capabilities and flaws, and they help you manage it.
As I had all these thoughts swimming around my mind, said best friend sent me a text message, “what do you have to lose if you don’t see him? You’ve only just met him, trust me, it’s not going to hurt as much as you think it will,” I guess she knew I’d psych myself out, but her text was encouraging.
So, I pressed send.
“Great! Does 1pm work for you? Where would you like to go?”
“I’ll be near Pavilion but for some reason I can only think of Dome…”
“Aren’t you a real Datin. Sure, I’ll see you there.”
Coincidentally, I was dressed ala ala macam Datin — pearl earrings, black baju kebaya — so when he saw me, he was more than happy to address me as ‘Datin’.
“I’m only a Datin if you’re a Dato,”
“I’m whatever you want me to be,”
Right about here is when I died.
We shared beef lasagna and a pot of tea (but of course). I hadn’t shared a meal with anyone before, (because why would I only want half of the goodness?!) but I thought it was really sweet that he wanted to.
He then discloses his fond memories of Dome; saying it was the place that introduced him to tea, so he had a soft spot for it even though the quality had dwindled down a fair bit since its glory days. It was a funny coincidence because my family and I use to go to Dome every weekend as that’s where my mother’s favourite cappuccino was from.
Then, we somehow begin talking about what he finds attractive in a girl.
“My favourite features on a girl is her eyes and her smile,”
“Give me an example of pretty eyes and a nice smile,”
“Eyes I could stare into all day — like yours,”
My expression to his example was identical to the one Berlioz from Aristocats had when mister O’Malley told his mother her eyes shine like sapphires.
I laughed it off because I didn’t want to believe it.
However, I would believe if a guy got lost trying to look for my eyes because the dark circles around it are larger than life, so, it’s easy to be distracted.
Skeptical? Me? No way.
We laughed about our memories of Dome and before I knew it, an hour had passed which meant his lunch break was over.
During lunch, he mentioned that he’d be exceptionally busy in the coming months as he had to prepare for the Pasaran Kewangan Malaysia Certificate (PKMC) exam — didn’t I mention that he works for a bank? #IndianMotherWillApprove — and he is the type of person who isolates himself until the task at hand has been completed to avoid being distracted. This obviously meant I wouldn’t be able to see him for awhile.
I knew I wouldn’t feel this giddy for a long time; I just didn’t think it’d be this soon.
Will there be a Karat Romance #9? You’ll have to wait to find out. In the meantime, follow the writer on Instagram at @lxxvi__.