And So I Kept Living

September has been the most important month for me because my first suicide attempt was in 2011. I was 17 at that time.

I had more attempts since then but I am grateful that none of them were successful. I’ve written a few articles about my diagnosis that you can read here and here as well as an article on how you can be a great support system for someone who has a mental illness/disorder.

The reason why the month September is important to me is because it’s World Suicide Prevention Month and September 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day.

I personally don’t know many people who died by suicide, but I know many who have thought of it and has attempted it. I used ‘died by suicide’ because ‘commit’ is used when someone has done a crime.

Suicide is not a crime, whether you want to accept it or not.

I have many reasons to just die, but I also have many reasons to stay alive. I have been trying to figure out the reasons on why and how I should keep living.

It’s not easy, believe me, even minor incidents in life makes me flip out and cry.

There are times when I really, really feel like giving up and have the urge to jump off a building or whatever measures that will end my life, but as Albert Camus once said, “It takes more courage for a man to live than to kill himself.” I agree with him.

You are so brave to actually live even when you already think that you have a reason to die, but why die for just one reason when you can live for a thousand reasons? I know you doubt life sometimes and you question why God has placed you in this shithole. However, life is out there for you to not just live, but experience.

Go out dancing, watch a new movie, crash a wedding, eat new delicious cuisine, take your girlfriend for a night drive, play with a cat or a dog, travel and get cultured, go to an art gallery or music gigs, have passionate sex (play it safe, kids) and other wonderful things that life offers.

It’s the little things that count the most.

Happiness is never a goal, which is why most of us end up disappointed.

Happiness is moments that we experience in life, which makes this shitty life worth it. In the midst of the chaos that is life, there is beauty in it.

You may feel like giving up, I know I do, but suicide is not the answer. You’ll miss out on opportunities to experience life and we only get one shot at it. And that’s a shot that I don’t want to miss.

If you feel like shit, find a person to talk to. In this world, there is at least one person that genuinely cares and love you, you just have to find out who that person is. For me, it’s my mother, and I am forever grateful to have her in my life. That person could be your girlfriend, boyfriend, father, mother, best friend, or whoever. You can even talk to me if you want to.

Depression lies, pain lies, the voices in your head lies, the demon on your back lies.

Whatever they tell you, they are all lies. Pain ends, suffering ends, and at the end of the tunnel which you are trapped in, is life and it’s waiting for you to experience it.

Hang in there if you can, because life is always worth it.


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